when the world falls apart, and there's nothing I can do
on shifting from "I" to "we"
“What can I do???”
This is invariably one of my first thoughts after I hear bad news.
War. Unjust legislation. The fresh batch of statistics announcing my state is still one of the worst places to be a kid. A friend’s diagnosis.
“What can I do?” is a very natural first thought, especially here in the States. We have been conditioned, since Westward Expansion and Andrew Jackson, to prioritize the individual. It is Me versus Everyone and Everything else, and it is my responsibility to rise above it. (Whether that’s okay or not is not the point of this note. It just is what it is.)
There’s a lot I can do as an individual, absolutely, but not when it comes to things like, you know, international conflict or cancer. The power I hold as an individual is limited. And it is easy, then, to look at these massive problems, and the minimal resources I have to confront them, and withdraw into the conclusion that there is nothing I can do except watch and be sad.
But that isn’t true. I have to remind myself that often. My power is limited, but one of the most powerful things I can do is reach out to others.
My power increases when I connect to another person. There’s a spark. And each additional connection exponentially increases our collective power. The spark catches.
Friend, there may not be much that you or I can do, but together? We can do a hell of a lot.
Thus, I’ve been challenging myself: when my gut reaction is “Good God, what can I do??” I pause and breathe and rephrase: “What can we do?? Who do I need to talk to??”
The rephrase and reframe are such a relief! Because it is not only on my shoulders to save the world from itself - the burden can be shared.
When a friend was let go this last week, she sent me an SOS text. And I’m so glad she did! She realized she needed help, and she asked for it! So I sent my group chat a message to let them know what my friend was going through and to ask if they had any job leads to keep her in mind. I started thinking through our mutual network and who we could contact, and then spent some time looking through job postings to see if anything could work for her.
What can I do in this situation where my friend loses her job unexpectedly? Not much, not directly, because I don’t have the ability to hire people. But collectively, we’re going to get her a new job, and make sure she feels supported and cared for until that happens.
At work, I’ve been very intentionally building a community of people, a network, that can be tapped into to support health equity projects. I love asking, “Who knows someone in that department? Does anyone have connections at x or y school? Does anyone have experience doing [insert niche thing]?” Slowly but surely, we’re growing. Folks in the network have started saying, “Let’s ask the others if they have any ideas for this at our next meeting.” It feels almost magical, bringing together people who may have felt alone or overwhelmed in their work, because now they have others to rely upon. And they call upon them! They’re helping each other! We’re helping each other! It feels good.
Perhaps I’ve written all this, and you’ve been a good sport and read it, but there’s a nagging voice in your head saying, “but, I don’t have a community to tap into…”
I hear you!
Especially after COVID, omigosh. It was really hard to sever our connections and be so isolated, and yet on the other side of it, it’s still hard to be around other people.1
We can rebuild our connections and sense of community. And this is not easy, but it’s simple: the bravest thing you can do is be open and say, “Here I am.”
Community is not a single thing. It is friends and family, yes, but it’s also the collection of loose connections we build as we move through life and the systems we support and draw upon. There’s a lot to be said for the power of the Internet bringing people together, but there is something precious about the local community, too.
Below, I have some suggestions for ways to dip your toe back into your local Community. Lil ways you can show up, and, as loudly as you feel comfortable, announce, “hi, here I am.”
Little experiments: showing up in your community
Find your closest Little Free Library and reorganize it 📚
Little Free Libraries are sweet little take-a-book-leave-a-book spots located truly all over the place. You never know what you’ll find - a classic novel, a textbook, something unhinged, maybe a vintage Nat Geo magazine. They are almost always a little disorganized. If/when you find one, consider tidying up the stack to make the books easier to browse.
You can use this link to find a LFL near you, or just truly make it a scavenger hunt and bop around your neighborhood.
Attend a free concert at a local park 🎶
Especially now in the summer! The parks department is a great resource for free activities, and you never know what kind of band they make book for their Summer Series. (Last year, my mom and I spent several delighted/bewildered hours one evening watching a concert by Igor and the Red Elvises at a park in Ludington, MI).
Each attendee at free events tells the department/city that this is an activity they should continue to invest in. If you want to take your community building to the next level by building a personal connection, you can tell someone you like their hat, their sunglasses, or the book they’re reading. Maybe offer to share your picnic table or bottle opener.
Just don’t forget the bug spray!
Drop off a few things at your local food bank or community fridge 🥫
Hunger, like poverty, doesn’t look like one thing. And it isn’t always obvious, especially in times of economic… whatever we’re in.
If you have some time or money to spare, you may consider investing a bit in your local hunger-fighting organizations. We usually think of food banks first, but I learned about community fridges during Covid, when a friend agreed to have one placed in front of her house2. It’s another lovely, and usually hyper-local, way to give back to your neighborhood.
You can do this to whatever level you feel comfortable. You can make it a habit to swing by, sign up to volunteer regularly, or you can drop off items whenever you remember it’s time to clean the pantry. And, if you find yourself needing to take advantage of these offerings, that’s good, too.
Attend a city council or school board meeting 🏛️
By attending a city council meeting, you can learn what’s really going on in your community and make connections with other concerned citizens. Some areas have started School Board Clubs, where folks get dinner first and then all go the school board meeting to hype up a favorite teacher or make their concerns known about a proposal. If there isn’t a club near you, you could start one!
Take a little trash walk or clear out the culverts 🗑️
Our streets work best when everyone helps take care of them.
Yard work is so satisfying because you can so clearly see what you’ve accomplished. Expand on that by heading out with a trash bag and maybe a grabber3 or some gloves, and see what all you can pick up in your neighborhood.
Or, if you live somewhere prone to flooding, check out the drains on your street and clear away piles of leaves - doing so may save your neighbor from having to frantically throw sandbags against their door.
Get a library card 💳
Funding for libraries is more precarious than ever. By getting a library card, you’re signaling to the local government that the library is a Useful Resource.
More than just books, though, your local library is probably chock full of creative programming: reading hours with kids, sure, but also classes and clubs, borrowable household items (some libraries let you “check out” blenders, big pots, or other things that are helpful to have around every once in a while), and even packets of seeds you can take home.
Become friendly with your librarian. They’re probably lovely.
Pick a place to become a regular ☕
This is a great strategy generally for making friends as an adult, but it works for building/seeking community, too.
You can become a regular at a coffee shop, a diner, or the library. A farmer’s market is a GREAT place to become a regular. Be open and ready to make small talk, and the connections will build.
Sign up for a food co-op 🥕
Some co-ops are little grocery stores, and some offer boxes of produce for delivery/pickup on a consistent basis.
Food from the co-op is food from your community. The money you spend goes directly to your neighbors. And, it’s nice for the environment. You can read more about co-ops and find one near you at this link.
Volunteer at the animal shelter 🐕🦺
This is a good one if you’re interested in building your community, but people are hard. Sometimes, a lot of times, animals are easier.
Your local shelter or rescue would love to get to know you (and would appreciate your volunteer hours!).
Just be mindful - you may leave with a new furry family member if you aren’t careful.
Hey - we’re in this together.
Here’s my challenge to you: the next time you catch yourself thinking, “What can I do?” pause for a moment, and then reframe. “What can we do? Who can I talk to about this? Who can I connect with?”
And if you’re feeling up for it, start dipping your toe into community-building using one of the suggestions above.
Let me know how it goes!
We can do this!
Hiya! Thanks for reading! If you’re looking for help with burnout or well-being but aren’t sure where to start, I’m here to help as a burnout management coach. I can help you feel like yourself again, but better. Click the button below to book a free, 15-min discovery call, or reply to this email with questions.
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It’s summer, and while I love ice cream year round, I ESPECIALLY love it during the hottest months of the year.
Claire Saffitz (you probably recognize her from Bon Appétit or just the Internet) has an adorable, comforting YouTube channel, and she gets challenged to re-create our store-bought favorites in her kitchen. I love that stuff will go wrong or take too long or not work, and they leave it all in, because errors are part of the process.
So here’s her Drumstick challenge:
If you read all the way to the end, thank you!
Let me know if there’s anything you want me to write about. My inbox is always open.
xo,
Emma
Personally, COVID triggered/revealed a bit of agoraphobia for me. Crowds are terrifying!! I must love you, like really love you, to agree to go somewhere crowded with you. Or suggest an activity in a crowded place (see: any live music event). But that is, likely, an essay for another time.
If you’re local to New Orleans, this site show where fridges are and how you can get involved. There’s a facebook group for fridges on the Westbank, too.
Not an affiliate link, I just wanted you to see what I was talking about. I found one at the Dollar Tree.